Exclusive: that new Kate portrait put right

Posted on January 11, 2013

The National Portrait Gallery have just unveiled the first official Royal portrait of Kate, Duchess of Cambridge. As a portrayal of  famously beautiful woman, it’s received what could politely be called a mixed reaction:

Kate portrait

Personally, I think the most amazing thing is that way that only one of her eyes follows you round the room. How on earth have the NPG managed to commission a painting so iffy that it has already been nicknamed #CrosseyedKate?

As a public service, courtesy of @MrAndyBoy, CrashBangWallace.com can present an exclusive reworking of the portrait, putting it right with a tender combination of sensitivity and expertise.

At last we have the image in the full glory that it deserves:

Kate Portrait corrected

That’s better.

Tatwatch: A Royal Wedding…erm…sex toy?

Posted on April 07, 2011

All sorts of different items of Royal Wedding Tat have been sent in since I started my occasional Tatwatch series, but this is definitely the weirdest. Submitted via Twitter by John Linford, here it is – perhaps the first ever Royal Wedding Sex Toy. Yes, really.

The “Commemorative Royal Wedding Ring” has obviously been seriously thought through to make it a serious product, and definitely not a slightly desperate attempt to jump on the hype:

Issued to celebrate the wedding of Prince William to Catherine, this limited edition ring is cast in a deep royal blue silicone and features a delightful raised motif reminiscent of crowns of regency past. Rejoice in a very special union of your own.

Tatwatch – taking us for mugs

Posted on March 16, 2011

Via MisanthropeGirl, the Telegraph have a gloriously awful piece of Royal Wedding Tat today which deserves pride of place in anyone’s Tatwatch collection. It’s pretty standard at first glance – a Royal Wedding Mug celebrating the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton…until you look at the photo labelled “Will”.

Royal Wedding Tatwatch #2: The William and Kate Dress-up Dolly Book

Posted on March 10, 2011

Last week I launched #Tatwatch – an occasional series on the bizarre and worrying tat and rubbish being hawked on the back of the Royal Wedding. Commenter Martha S has contributed this beauty/horror:

William and Kate dressing up book

Royals in their pants. Nice.

Yes, it’s the Royal Wedding: William and Kate Dress-up Dolly Book. It’s innovative, I’ll grant the publishers that – I mean, this is the 21st century, why plaster poorly drawn portraits of the Royal couple on a dodgy plate when you can put sketches of them in their pants on the front of a book? A “right royal riot” indeed…

Royal Wedding Tatwatch is launched

Posted on March 03, 2011

With the Royal Wedding approaching, this seems like an opportune moment to launch TatWatch. From here on in I’ll be keeping an eye ou for the cheesiest, most tasteless Prince William and Kate Middleton “memorabilia” on the market. You know the stuff – soft-tinted keyrings, knock-off plates, maybe even a tattoo if someone sufficiently royalist gets drunk enough.

Please take a picture of any shining examples that you come across. For tweeters, please use the hashtag #Tatwatch. To get us started, here’s the delightful Commemorative Giant Souvenir Poster that the newsagents near my office are selling for a mere £3.50. Just imagine – for the price of a London pint you too could have a creased World Cup Wallchart rebranded with the face of our future monarch!