Time for a Buffoons RegisterPosted on October 10, 2010
Every time an example of absurd and excessive regulation comes forward from the “something must be done” lobby, it increases my own support for one particular regulatory device: a Buffoons Register.
The idea is self-explanatory – it would be a central database where buffoons who advocate ridiculous government meddling would be made to sign their names.
Happily, it seems that David Crausby MP agrees with me and has actually created just such a register, in the form of this Early Day Motion:
“That this House condemns the shooting of the stag known as the Exmoor Emperor; believes that this beautiful animal, standing nearly nine feet tall should have been spared to live out his life as a magnificent example of the Giant Red Stag, the biggest wild land animal in the UK; and calls on the Government to protect special individual animals from this kind of senseless destruction.”
Yes, really – Crausby and four other backbenchers have put their names to this – going beyond the usual EDM bandwagon-jumping whenever an emotive story is in the news to actually call for Government legislation to protect “special individual animals”.
The drafting process should, of course, begin straight away. There’s no time to lose and there are so many difficult legislative questions to negotiate.
How do they intend to construct their Talented Animals List? What will be the definition of a “special” animal? Does a talking parrot count, or would it have to be multilingual to merit a police bodyguard? Would a particularly industrious ants’ nest qualify, or are collective and communal hive beasts not eligible? Perhaps, seeing as the proposal is inspired by a deer that happened by accident of nature to grow to be massive, talent doesn’t come into it and only freakishly large animals will be moved into safe houses lest someone come gunning for them?
I can see this occupying the House for some time to come – it’s not like the nation has any bigger issues to deal with.
Crausby and his cross-party allies have done us all a great favour – not by raising this ridiculous idea, but by outing themselves in one, easy to access database. Long live the Buffoons Register.